URBAN MYTH DEBUNKD WOMAN DRINKS 5 GALLONS AND SURVIVES
Kingston, Cape Cod. Woman claims to have consumed more than 5 gallons of water and lives to tell the tale. It started at 2am when she woke with an "insatiable thirst" Ms. Smith claimed that after she drank all the Perrier in her fridge and downed half empty beer bottles left over from last week's Friday night beer brawl, she drank from her neighbors garden hose for several minutes. Still thirsty, she made her way to a motel 6 swimming pool across the street. "If there had not been a policeman nearby, I would've drank the pool dry" claimed Ms. Smith. Instead the parched pool purloiner made her way to the marina down the street hoping to slip quietly into the electrolite-rich seawater and drink to her hearts content. Ms. Smith changed her mind when she saw phytosaurs swimming alongside giant lampries and bubblegum flavered cephalapods in cloudy grey goose excrement. Quietly she waddled back to bed sucking on tequila flavored flavorice.
NEXT WEEK: WOMAN BREAKS GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS BY URINATING FOR SEVERAL HOURS WHILE SLEEPING AND NOT WETTING BED